Stewart: Don’t ‘cock’ that hat
Columnist Ross Stewart has a new name for those who wear their hats twisted to the side...
By Ross Stewart (Contact)
Thursday, August 23rd, 2007
One would think that men would like being compared to a penis. In an ideal world a nickname for a man that also doubles as a nickname for a penis has the chance of being held up as a national treasure and could one day have a museum built in its name somewhere in the San Francisco Bay area. But I’m slowly coming to realize that this is not an ideal world and that people really do know when you’re making fun of them. Strangely enough, cockheads have enough intelligence to know that their nickname is not a term of endearment.
My roommate and I have coined a new nickname for those guys you see running around with their hats “cocked” to the side. They are now called “cockheads” or in the instance of a female cockhead, a “cockette.”
The term “cockhead” came to existence after he and I attended a party our second day in town. We went to a rather large house party in the student ghetto and I had a moment of culture shock: I had never seen so many grown men wearing their caps cocked to the side in one location. I lost count (yes, I was counting; sue me).
I asked my roommate what he thought about this. He and I have about the same stance on such people, who do so look like idiots, though I seem to take it a step further with my opinion that if there is a draft, people who wear their caps cocked to the side should be drafted first. But hey, that’s just me.
We had both grown tired of calling them “that stupid looking guy wearing his hat cocked to the side” and agreed that a name like cockhead is apt at doing justice to an individual that wears a hat in that manner.
I think I missed something, probably around the time I was in 8th grade, when it became in style to cock one’s hat to the side, even if one was not a gangster hustling for dough on the corner. Maybe I just don’t watch enough MTV; I don’t know, we don’t purchase cable at our apartment.
I considered imploring my fellow cockhead students to mend their ways and come back to the normal side of living, the less idiotic-looking side at least, but have come to realize that it is best not to argue with fools.
So, cockettes and cockheads, I won’t ask you to come back to the side of reality that does not look like a fool. I’m just going to laugh at you every time I see you on campus. This goes as well for the guys who wear those girlie bug sunglasses that cover half of their faces. I don’t stifle my laughter well.
I guess we’ll see how cool you cockheads are when the time for a draft comes along, that is as long as the government gets wind of my genius idea and implements it in time. I can see the questionnaire for the draft at the post office now: “Please check here if you are a cockhead.”
Stewart is a Wichita junior in journalism.
Discussion
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Are you serious? This column is nearly as bad as the one yesterday on the girl complaining about bar fighting. I'd expect to see something like this in the onion, except it would be funny, not some lame college kids opinion.
Your a "cock head" to think that this was relevant! grow up, you don't have to write a super serious column, but this wasn't worth reading.
Ross, your literate friends, like you, crack me up. Hola, homey. Funny as ever.
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