Simmermon: Dress on campus should be practical
Class is no place to look like you just walked out of a bar.
Monday, November 26th, 2007
This is the second part of a two-part series about things that really annoy me when on campus. The first column was about how to avoid people on campus that you would rather not have a conversation with. I’ve now had numerous encounters with people while walking to class who purposefully pretend to talk on their cell phone every time they see me. It has been positively delightful.
I’m not sure when the switch occurred, but it was probably somewhere around my third semester here at old KU when I began not to give a rat’s patoot about what I wore to class each day. The days of getting up, showering, putting on makeup and picking out an outfit became a vague disturbing memory, and the days of a pair of jeans and a tee with the same sweatshirt every day emerged and were going nowhere fast.
After having the epiphany that dressing up on campus was completely ridiculous, everyone else’s outfits became an obsession, leading to borderline hysteria at what was traipsing around on our fine campus sidewalks.
Rule number one: If you wear it to the Hawk, it is absolutely unacceptable campus wear. Unless you didn’t have time to change before class after a late night rendezvous, but if that’s the case you should expect ridicule for being such a philandering drunk.
Rule number two: The whole, “Oh look, I just rolled out of bed in a form-fitting pair of sweatpants with perfect hair and makeup” look makes me want to projectile vomit all over that person. You’re not fooling anyone. It’s obvious you tried really hard, and P.S. velour is OVER. It’s done, over, fini. J-Lo ruined it for everyone. Please, if you didn’t get the memo, consider this a personal invitation to give your matching sweatpants to the Salvation Army. Let someone homeless and cold benefit from your obsolete $300 ugly sweat suit, because it sure as hell isn’t doing you any favors.
Rule number three: this is for the fellas. You can’t wear a visor backwards; it completely defeats the purpose of the visor and makes you look like you might have learning problems. At least a backwards cap keeps your head warm. What does a backwards visor do? I think the only thing it accomplishes is making a guy look like a huge tool shed. And what’s with the basketball shorts and collared shirts? Just wear a T-shirt, or put on some jeans and spare us all the unwanted view of your junk when you’re slouching down in your desk during class. It’s revolting. Also, those T-shirts with the anime chicks with huge jugs straddling surfboards are really lame, too; don’t wear those either. And shower. Really, I think it’s awesome that you were so wasted last night, but I don’t want to smell your drunk musk. Period.
So I guess the message is, well, I forgot what the message was, but I do know that I really hate velour and drunk musk and carnies because they smell like cabbage.
Simmermon is a Leawood senior in journalism.
Discussion
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Seriously, who cares this much?
I personally love the collared shirt(POLO) and basketball shorts look. Frat!
I agree. I think the sideways visor is the most ridiculous thing I've seen--though the backwards visor is still pretty ridiculous.
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