White: Nothing comedic about costs
An alternative perspective on the fees of the University
From bloated parking ticket fines to expensive textbooks, college doesn't come cheap. A weekend in Oskaloosa yields an interesting perspective.
By Zach White
Thursday, October 4th, 2007
This past weekend and I were looking for some fun and we ended up at the Funny Barn in Oskaloosa where we saw a comedian named Todd Nuttersworth. He performed for like two hours, and was simply delightful. The following is a mere sample of this man’s performance:
“Hey, how many of you guys have been up to Lawrence recently? The University of Kansas, yeah? What’s the deal with trying to find a parking space up there, huh? It’s so difficult to find a place to park up there, it’s like, where are we, China? No, well not yet, right?
“But seriously folks, I was up there for a gig not too long ago, on campus protesting all the homosexuals. No, I was doing comedy, but I actually did find a place to park in that parking garage by the Union up there, and I went to go pay for it, and it was a dollar an hour! And I was like, ‘Why don’t you just take my first born child already?’ Am I right? But that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was that I was fifteen minutes late because I stopped in the bookstore. Because of all this I’ve been hearing about raising textbook prices. So I was looking at all the textbook prices while trying to figure out which internal organs the students were selling to buy these things, am I right?
“So anyway I come out of the Union thinking about how to talk my kids into a life of fast food management, when I see this parking department person giving me a ticket with their little computers and I asked what was going on and they told me that I was late and they were giving me a ticket. I asked them how much it cost and they told me, ‘Four extra percent on your student loan!’ But seriously, it cost $20.
“But you know, speaking of, I think I read recently that they’re having even more parking trouble up there since they started building that new practice facility. Whose idea was that, Donald Rumsfeld? I haven’t heard of a bigger waste of money and space since Rosie O’Donnell joined “The View.” You know who will like it, though; those people that are out selling their lawns for $50. That or one biology textbook.
“Thank you, I’m Todd Nuttersworth, you’ve been a great audience. Have a great night. Remember to tip your wait staff.”
White a Colorado Springs, Colo., junior in journalism.
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