Hirschfeld: Online sentiments can get lost in translation

Think twice before sharing emotion online.

By Matt Hirschfeld (Contact)

Tuesday, September 18th, 2007

In this ever-changing, go-go world of technology, certain ways of communicating have adapted. You can now post your résumé online and receive an e-mail an hour later requesting a job interview. You can text message, “I love you” and actually mean it. You can display our generation’s own form of electronic graffiti and anger a lot of people in the process. There are some ways of communicating, though, that should keep with convention.

Life as any college student with any major is like a slow-moving car wreck. You always have the option, though, of what you want to do and how you want to accomplish your goals before the wreck can commence. You have control. There are some events, though, that occur and make you lose control. That slow moving car wreck turns into a ten-car pile-up. One of these events is a death of someone close.

I am not going to write about the meaning of life and why we are all here. I want to discuss how innocent bystanders of this pile-up should respond to such an event in this ever-changing world of technology.

Facebook and Myspace are great forms of entertainment in which you can spend copious, unproductive and mindless hours doing whatever your heart desires. There are some actions on these Web sites, however, that are taboo and in my opinion should never be adapted with technology.

Going through a death of a family member or a good friend puts your entire world to a stop. The last thing you want to see, trust me on this, is someone’s sympathy plastered all over your wall on Facebook or comments on Myspace. It’s tacky. No, wearing socks with sandals is tacky. It’s rude, offensive and inconsiderate.

I’m not sure if it is a person’s way of vindicating his or her own insecurities by announcing to world that he or she cares about a friend, but honestly, the suffering party is the only person’s opinion he or she should care about.

This is where technology has failed us. It is entirely too easy to express feelings via written text. Death is something we are going to all deal with eventually or have already dealt with, and friends’ actions can contribute positively or negatively to the experience.

I’ve been there and done that, and here are some guidelines that I’ve come to develop by being on both sides of the equation. Don’t ever write sympathies on a friend’s public wall or comments. Not to be too Emily Post-esque, but a hand-written letter via the US Postal Service makes a world of difference. It may be 41 cents more costly, but its effect is long lasting.

To that effect, I’m not even completely sure if a private message is all too appropriate either. It may not be displayed to the public, but its meaning can still be lost in translation.

And lastly, just call the person! Hearing sympathy is a lot more comforting than reading it and it shows that you care enough and have thought enough about your friend to make the effort.

So the next time you click “Write On ________’s Wall” on Facebook or “Add Comment” on Myspace in a time of tragedy, think twice. Maybe that person does not want all of their friends to read how sorry you are or how your friend is in your prayers. Maybe that person just needs a good friend.

Hirschfeld is an Augusta junior in journalism.

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