Minster: Breaking all the rules
Cyclists should have to adhere to traffic laws
Monday, September 24th, 2007
Rules apply to everyone but me, and that’s the way I like it.
Rules used to apply to me, but I found they were cramping my style. When I wanted to stand in line doing nothing, then following the rules was fine. But usually I didn’t want to wait, and so I stopped waiting. Now I get things done a lot faster, which leaves me more free time to solve the Crypto-Quip.
However, my neat little system of personal efficiency is facing a threat. It seems more and more people think they, too, should be exempt from the rules. There can be only one, people!
Last weekend at the Hy-Vee deli counter I spent three turns being “second” in line as other people, obviously busier and hence more important than I, moved right to the front. I’ve waited outside an instructor’s door only to somehow be fourth in line when he showed up at his office.
A recent article in the Kansan regarding bicyclists being subject the same laws as other vehicle operators on public streets found some cyclists were shocked, SHOCKED, to discover that the police had failed to get the memo regarding their personal absolution from responsibility. “I trust my ability to see and my yielding,” Bentonville, Ark., junior John Louis said, explaining why stop signs were for squares.
I see my logic is catching on everywhere. Restaurateurs will demand removal of health standards because they trust their abilities to not poison people. Doctors will demand allowance to perform surgery in their garages because they trust their abilities to not get sawdust in the incisions. The entire world will become simpler when all rules are replaced with a slight smile and the phrase, “Trust me.”
Trust is based on predictability. If I can assume someone will not stab me in the back, I can trust him to stand behind me with a knife. Failing to follow rules except when they are convenient, however, sort of throws off his predictability. A cyclist who does what he wants might trust himself, but no one else can trust him.
One group who fails to appreciate my viewpoint is my professors. Repeated calls to cancel tests because I can be trusted to learn the material have been ignored. My creditors also refuse to be more accommodating, despite my several insistences that “I’m good for it.” My bathroom scale continues to apply the laws of gravity to my mass, even though I’ve vouched for my trustworthiness to not float off into space.
“I trust my ability to stay standing on the ground,” I said.
“No dice,” said the scale, and showed me a number significantly higher than I thought was fair.
It seems some people will never get on board with my plan. Until then, though, feel free to run every stop sign you come to, as long as you think you can be trusted to do so.
Minster is a Lawrence senior in economics.
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