Cohen: Democrats have plenty to laugh at, too
From Hillary to Barack, the Dems are full of faults
By Ben Cohen
Tuesday, September 25th, 2007
Two weeks ago, I discussed in this space the current crop of Republican hopefuls vying for the candidacy for President of the United States of America. They were a fun bunch, full of fresh perspective and buoyant energy. Or maybe that was the piece I’d scrapped about “High School Musical vs. Mothra.” Well, either way, it’s the other party’s turn now.
The Democratic Party has had fun the last seven years. With President Bush in office, appointing cronies to every position short of White House toilet scrubber, authorizing vaguely justified military actions and generally looking like something even the most cynical political satirists would have a hard time dreaming up, Democrats have had the perfect target. He could be the focal point of all their malice, like Big Brother in reverse. This time around, they won’t have that kind of luxury. As famous as some of the GOP candidates are, the Democrats still have to run somebody who can get by on their own merits. Besides, “Anyone but Ron Paul” just doesn’t have any real ring to it.
The most famous of the Democratic candidates is Hillary Clinton. Six years ago, she catapulted from her husband’s coattails into the United States Senate, admirably serving a part of the country she had never lived in before and doesn’t seem to spend much time in today. So far, her main opposition has been Barack Obama, a relatively young senator from Illinois. Clinton frequently criticizes Obama for his perceived lack of experience. Fun fact: Obama first joined the Illinois state legislature in 1997, meaning he had been holding elected office for four years when Clinton became a Senator.
For his own part, Obama has risen to popularity by appealing to a variety of typically jaded voting blocks, such as students and minorities, by projecting himself as dedicated and sincere. He is also the most skilled orator in the vast field of candidates from either party. Seriously, the man could run for city sanitation manager, and still find a way to convince people that electing him would create a brighter future for their grandchildren.
There are still others looking to run for president with a jackass as their logo. Former vice-presidential candidate John Edwards, no longer confused with the guy who went on TV and claimed he could speak with the dead, is giving a run for the White House another go. Rumors that he is seeking a special brand of hair gel given only to world leaders have yet to be confirmed. There is also Mike Gravel, who has not held an elected office since 1981, but recently rose out of his icy crypt in Alaska. Whether he is actually attempting to run for President or, as some have speculated, to warn us of the impending return of the dreaded Cthulhu is still being debated. Then there is Dennis Kucinich. The Ohio Representative and former mayor of Cleveland is making his second attempt at winning the Democratic nomination. It is also the second time members of the party have frantically begun questioning each other, wondering who let him in.
Perhaps the most enigmatic potential candidate so far is New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson. A multi-ethnic, highly-experienced politician who handily defeated a Republican opponent in a perennial red state, Richardson has become a familiar name so far, but beyond that, most people know little about him. Perhaps he is not yet sure if his aforementioned success in New Mexico is strong enough to carry him, or if he needs to mention that he was at different times both a representative to the United Nations, and the U.S. Secretary of Energy. No, he probably needs to pad the ol’ resume a bit more before he can really make his move.
And there you have it, most of the aspiring Democrats, each with their own reason to be made fun of. The election isn’t for over a year, so there’s plenty of time to study each of these people, and any others who may join the fray. Until then, stay informed. After all, if you don’t know why somebody is funny, you probably shouldn’t be voting for them.
Cohen is a Topeka junior in journalism and English.
Discussion
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You left out Joe Biden, probably the most experienced and knowledgeable of the Democratic field. He's got plenty of foreign relations experience, which can help get the US back in the good graces of other nations, and he's the only candidate of either party with a real plan for Iraq. The environment is top-of-mind for Biden, as well.
I think the point of this was to satirize flawed candidates, not endorse anybody, though it's pretty clear he likes at least Richardson.
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