Reeling in the hook-up
Awkward or awesome, hook-ups happen
By Gina Souders
Thursday, April 24th, 2008
You wake up and find yourself in bed with a snoring stranger. Your horrible headache reminds you of the six tequila shots you took last night and your impulsive trip back to the stranger’s dorm. Once you get out of bed, you piece together last night’s outfit and, taking a peek at yourself in the mirror, you realize you look like a train wreck. Ducking out, you immediately become embarrassed when you see the flood of people hanging out in the commons area.
You have just taken the walk of shame. This is the result of a one-night stand, which, according to the 2005 Durex Global Sex Survey, 50 percent of Americans have had. One-night stands are the aftermath of a hook-up, but do hook-ups necessarily lead to one-night stands? What does it mean to hook up with someone, and does the aftermath always result in the walk of shame?
Many people, such as Kristen Dayton, Olathe junior, believe hooking up has replaced dating. It seems to be the popular trend, Dayton says, which is unfortunate because she prefers dating. “I think college-aged people are afraid of getting into a serious relationship,” Dayton says. “Instead, we tend to focus on meaningless, physical relationships.”
Katherine Bogle, author of Hooking Up: Dating and Relationships on Campus, has a different theory. Bogle, who is an associate professor of sociology and criminal justice at La Salle University, in Philadelphia, interviewed 57 college students and 25 college graduates about their hook-up experiences. After her interviews, she determined that hooking up has not necessarily replaced dating, but that the order of the two have been reversed. Today, people tend to hook up and afterwards, if they still like each other, they may go on a date after careful consideration. “Dates are the centerpiece of our social life,” Bogle says.
Defining hooking up is a difficult task, and it’s not a coincidence that the term is so vague, Bogle says. Although the term came about in the ‘80s, the act itself existed long before then. Bogle notes that hooking up became more prominent during the ‘60s and ‘70s, the years that birthed the sexual revolution. More people started going to college, and thus more people started living on campus. The sense of security that living on campus provided created an ample breeding ground for hook-ups.
But what does it mean to hook up? It’s anything physical that’s more than a kiss, says Jessica Rozler, author of The Hookup Handbook: A Single Girl’s Guide to Living it Up. Student definitions vary, as some say it can mean making out with a total stranger, while others say it entails some higher level of physical intimacy, and others believe it requires sex. Despite how you define a hook-up, what do you do afterward?
Hooking up can easily end in an awkward situation. Dayton remembers the impulsive decision she made with a boy she met through friends and says it was uncomfortable and embarrassing the next morning. “He didn’t stay for very long,” Dayton says. “It makes me angry when people don’t even offer to take you out for breakfast afterwards.”
Attending one of his first college parties, Brad Johnson, Olathe freshman, took home a girl he didn’t really know. “It was not a fun morning,” Johnson says of the day after. “It became more awkward when she remembered my name and I didn’t remember hers. I had to get her out of the door.”
After giving her a fake phone number and an excuse, Johnson admits he is now embarrassed by his actions. “I’m a little old-fashioned,” Johnson says. “I’d like to think of sex as a deep bond between people shared with someone you really care about. Hook-ups tend to be hurtful, shallow and empty.”
However, hooking up doesn’t necessarily have to end poorly. It turned into a two-year relationship for Zach White, Leavenworth junior, and Becky Losey, Roeland Park junior. The two met at a party and ended up making out in front of The Wheel. They both enjoyed spending time with each other, and eventually White asked Losey to go on a date.
“Ours is a relative exception to the norm,” White says. “Hooking up is usually an extremely short-term kind of thing, but it worked out for us.”
Whatever happens after a hook-up is up to you. The term remains defined on an individual basis, and it’s a behavior that may or may not lead to a real relationship. “Give yourselves time to hang out when you’re not drunk,” Losey advises. “Then maybe you’ll move past that hooking up stage.”
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