Stewart: Why not adopt bad habits for Lent?
Vices will make you appreciate the good life
By Ross Stewart (Contact)
Wednesday, February 13th, 2008
It’s the time of the year, when on Friday nights, Catholics smell like fish. It’s Lent. I always wondered where Lent came from, how it naturally occurs in one’s belly button. But these questions are for scholars, and I don’t know any, so they’ll be left to the wind.
Lent started on Ash Wednesday, last week, and goes till Easter—it’s 40 days during which Christians are supposed to better themselves. Usually one gives up something enjoyable and donates the money saved to charities. So I could, say, give up eating pretzels for a month and then donate the cash I save from not eating pretzels to charity.
But this year I’m thinking about doing something different, much different.
This Lenten season I have a suggestion for the masses. Why not, instead of giving up something that you enjoy for lent, pick up a few bad habits or just make some bad decisions, so that by the end of the 40 days you realize how good your life was and you never want to do those bad things again.
Take up smoking. Now I don’t mean this as in a cigarette a day. Go full-force into it; start smoking half a pack a day (I just heard cigarette companies CEOs start salivating).
Don’t go anywhere without at least three alcoholic beverages in your body. This means anywhere: work, class, church, the doctor; I don’t mean a weak drink either, something stiff. Go for a highball.
Marry a really ugly man/woman and move into a studio apartment in a bad part of town. This will make the time go much slower, but you just have to remember it’ll only last for less than a month.
Start driving a beat-up old pick up truck and drive in one-and-a -half lanes of any road.
Curse; start cursing a lot. If you’re not passing for a sailor or an auto mechanic, you’re failing.
Buy some Blink-182 CD’s. (Given, I already own most of these. I was in middle school once).
After 40 days of this — well in reality less than 40 cause it’s already been a week — when you revert back to your old life, if you can, you’ll realize how good you had it. Being able to breathe after walking up the hill, navigating an automobile without fear of it breaking down or of you running it into a streetlight, waking up in the morning to a pleasant face in a nice part of town, being able to talk in front of kids and having music in your collection that you’re proud of—the good life.
Or you know, you could just give up chocolate. Whatever.
Stewart is a Wichita junior in journalism.
Discussion
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What a worthless article. I get the feeling Stewart is either a disenchanted Catholic who really never learned much about Lent or else someone who doesn't know much about religion in general. A writer like this who makes fun of something he clearly doesn't understand is at worst, contemptible and at best, embarrassing. Just one more example of why I should never read another UDK.
or more realistically, it jovially poses questions about ones seriousness on lent: I know many catholics who don't take lent seriously, one of whom gave up miller to drink coors (or something); I would discuss with him life and religion before you take his humor for either of your foundationless options; if you are to take this one article as proof for his true character, then add my personal experience: he is one of the most intelligent, aware peoples i have met yet, in my creative writing college career, in life more realistically; can a fellow not have fun with himself? with his spirituality? in other words, do not criticize lack of understanding when you yourself do not understand the obvious premise; else I'll throw your name in the horrible pretentious hat that is lawrence; or should I use words bent lower towards a caustic character such as yourself: i fortuitously fund fat face for fisticuffs forthwith. humorless cuckold. ( yea, i just owned you )
ross is going to have to marry me after i defended his honor so heartily
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