Cohen: A little groundhog perpetuates winter
Because a pampered marmot stood in the right angle under the sun, this cold weather will stay a bit longer.
By Ben Cohen
Tuesday, February 26th, 2008
I saw something upsetting on the news recently.
Punxsutawney Phil, the famous groundhog from Pennsylvania, saw his shadow. That apparently means winter is not going to end for a few more weeks.
Isn’t that wonderful?
Sure, spring seems like it should be getting ready to make an appearance soon, but a pampered marmot stood in the right angle under the sun, so this infuriatingly cold weather is sticking around for a while longer.
Too bad Phil does not live in Kansas, where trying to predict the weather without fancy equipment is about as logical as assuming the Wildcats are actually going to live up to their potential in basketball.
People are, however, just as annoying as observing every morning as you leave your apartment that it is still really cold out, even though it was supposed to get into the 50s today.
That is just the way the weather works in Kansas.
If you are not a meteorologist, your guess as to how it is going to feel outside is as good as anyone’s.
Except for meteorologists.
I’m pretty sure there’s something they aren’t telling us.
One of my strangest memories of growing up in a state that claims to be “as big as I think” (on a side note, the state’s public relations people really would not be happy with) was the blizzard that occurred when I was in the first grade.
What was so strange about this blizzard? It was in the middle of October.
Yes, that’s right. The people of Topeka got a respite from raking leaves that day so that they could shovel their driveways.
It was quite a shock to me then.
I was too young to understand the concept of unseasonal weather or that the snow would be gone without a trace in time for Halloween.
Since that fateful, albeit confusing storm, I’ve observed every type of weather in this state, from extremely hot Novembers to cold Marches, and occasionally, Mays that provide the showers that then give way to June flowers, apparently because April was lazy and somebody had to pick up the slack for it.
I’m starting to think we are due for a plague of locusts sometime soon.
It has been clearly established that Kansas weather does not meet any typical definitions of “normal.”
But why not?
Some people may tell you that various storm systems from all over the country tend to cross the Midwest, occasionally mixing and producing big storms and that these systems may very well be strengthened by the effects of global climate change.
Unfortunately, we live in Kansas, where science is a scary subject matter, so a different, less feasible explanation must be brought into the discussion.
My suggestion is that Kansas is being punished for some random misdeed committed within what would eventually become its borders a few centuries ago.
Go ahead. Try and prove that that never happened.
We could always do some research, and find out exactly what this state-cursing event was and attempt to set it right, but what would that actually accomplish?
I, and many others, have complained about the weather in Kansas, but it does seem to be part of its character.
And Kansas needs all the character it can get.
It fills the void left by all the space between our few hills.
And really, what would we actually gain from having normal, seasonal weather?
Nobody could build jack-o-lantern/snowman hybrids, nor could they occasionally wear shorts in January.
The cold is annoying now, but remember, it could always be worse.
Who knows what other tricks that groundhog has up its sleeve?
Cohen is a Topeka junior in political science and English.
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