It’s a timeless way to enjoy the perks of being in a relationship without being in a relationship. You can see the makings of this pasttime any time you’re out at a bar or a party. It’s funny, embarrassing and sometimes has the makings of being the greatest story of your life. It is the one night stand followed by the subsequent walk of shame.
Nearly everyone has a story about it tucked away in their closet next to a skeleton of immaturity past.
In the interest of curiosity, I decided to try and uncover some of the best one-night stand stories from Lawrence residents. I’ve compiled the ones that had me on the floor laughing for your enjoyment.
Video by Christine D'Amico
See a reenactment of the "Walk of Shame."
LUCKY WITH THE ATHLETICS DEPARTMENT
Stephanie, senior, who prefers to leave out her last name because of a blossoming new relationship, found out the wet truth about a KU athlete.
She had met the football player through another friend on the team. After a bad game in Texas, he called her from the airport to arrange a late night meeting.
When he got there, Stephanie proceeded to supple him with endless amounts of Everclear and Gatorade.
He asked her for a back rub, which she said she obliged to because of her desire to score.
But before they saw any action, he passed out.
“I woke up at 6 a.m. soaking in pee!” Stephanie said.
She was so embarrassed she made up a story about a group project that evidently started a 6 a.m. on a Sunday.
On the way from Jayhawker Towers to GSP, she ran into the Army ROTC students training. As she walked past them soaked in pee, they laughed together.
The next day, the football player called to see if they could hang out again. She laughed and rejected the offer but to make small talk she asked what he was doing.
“He said he was doing laundry,” she said. “So I asked if he was washing his sheets and he never replied back. That’s the last time we talked.”
Occasionally she’ll spot the football man at a bar, but walks past him as if she’d never seen him before.
“He thinks he’s the coolest guy now, but my friends and I know the truth,” Stephanie said.
GREEK LOVE
Matt, KU alumnus, was visiting friends at Central Missouri State University. It was the time of night at the bars that most people dread: closing time.
“The second the lights went on you could see all the girls searching for a guy,” Matt said.
A sorority girl picked him out of the crowd, and since he was on vacation, he decided to let his inhibitions run wild. She snuck him back to her sorority house where they “crashed” on a bunk bed. Soon after the fun was over, Matt decided to leave in order to avoid an awkward situation the next morning. He said that he had to go to the bathroom and tried to leap from the top bunk. Unfortunately, the alcohol caught up with him and he rammed his back into one of the bed posts.
Bleeding, he allowed her to fix his wound.
Spurred by her help, they decided to hook up again. Afterward he was fishing for a way to leave. He used the bathroom excuse once more. This time he was able to get out of the house unnoticed.
After he started walking he realized he had no idea where he was. Two blocks later he realized he forgot his coat.
After sneaking back into the sorority house, he tried not to make a noise while looking for his coat.
“Of course she caught me and I had to come up with an excuse that I got sick in the bathroom,” Matt said.
After a third round of hooking up, he snuck out for the final time, without waking her and with his coat.
DORM DAYS
Greg Walters, 33, Pittsburgh, Penn., looks back at his time in the dorms and remembers one coed in particular: she was hot and never wore anything.
“A thong would have covered more than her outfits,” Walters said.
Although she was dating a British foreign exchange student, he and his roommate would joke about her promiscuous tendencies.
A few months later, Walters and his friend moved out of the dorms and off campus. One day they spotted the thong girl with a group of friends and invited them over that night to christen their new digs.
However, the girl from the dorms came alone. Since the party didn’t materialize the group decided to head out to the bars.
“All of the sudden she jumps me at the bar and said ‘do you want to continue here or go back to your place,’” Walters recalled.
The pair got back to his place and engaged in sex that he can only describe as ‘she went nuts’.
All of the sudden she threw her head back and slammed it against a bookcase next to the bed.
She hit it so hard that her head began to bleed, but they decided to push through the pain.
The next day Walters walked into the living room and looked at his friend smiling on the couch.
“You were right. She’s easy,” Walters said.
THE CASE OF THE MISSING ENGAGEMENT RING
Jeff Davidson, 23, Overland Park, was in the midst of a repeated one-night stands with the same girl. However, when asked if they were dating, he was quick to disagree.
“We were banging, not dating,” Davidson said.
To complicate the situation, his “lover” was engaged, which he initially said he wasn’t aware of, but added later, “I might have known that was the situation.”
Davidson decided to take a week off from the soon-to-be bride. However, she was unwilling to go into the night.
She had come over to talk, and when he refused to let her in because of a reported crazy side, he and his roommate could only sit back and laugh.
“It was so funny we had to video tape it,” Davidson said.
Now his ‘ex’ lives in Germany with her husband.
FROM GRANDMOTHER’S HOUSE THEY COME
Lauren Gall, Topeka senior, was in the middle of her freshman year and in the middle of a night out with friends when she met him. The man, who later became her friend, became her conquest for the night at least.
Gall woke up refreshed in the dorms, but to some shocking news.
“When I was getting up, he told me that his grandparents were on their way, soon,” Gall said.
She had thirty minutes to finagle her way out of his place, unseen and catch a ride back to her place, before grandma and grandpa saw what their grandson really studied in college.
Luckily, as college goes, there is always a good friend, awake at any hour, to bail you out of an uncomfortable situation.
- Edited by Matt Hirschfeld
Discussion
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Love the video. Will there be a sequel?
Oh man I got one. So I met this hot woman downtown. And I went back to the dorms and did it. Next thing you know, BLAM, we are married. MAN HOW DID THAT HAPPEN!!
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