Keith: Jesus is coming; look busy
The ten commandments of environmental love
By Lauren Keith (Contact)
Thursday, May 1st, 2008
Editor’s note: This was a blog post that originally appeared on mediaenvironment.wordpress.com for Simran Sethi’s Media and the Environment class.
Are you there, God? It’s me, global warming.
When I logged on to Facebook the other day, I was disturbed to see that my two least favorite things (organized religion and Yahoo! Inc.) have friend requested my best buddy, the Green Movement.
And the Green Movement accepted their friend request.
In a story posted on Yahoo! Green (which I had no idea existed until 12 hours ago), the Catholics’ second-in-command declared pollution a sin.
According to the article, the Pope has made a decent fuss about environmental problems, enough so to scare some churches to invest in eco-palms for this year’s Palm Sunday.
As much as I disagree with everything else the Pope stands for, I like seeing a major religion acknowledge and combat the climate crisis. In fact, Vatican announced plans last summer to become the world’s first carbon-neutral state. Yahoo’s article said that photovoltaic cells have been installed and that the Church has discussed the consequences of global warming.
Even though pollution is now one of the seven deadly sins, recent studies show that fewer Catholics are attending confession. It’s okay, sinners, the rest of the human race doesn’t want to own up to global warming yet either.
While Catholics only have a few new sins to steer clear of, I’ve compiled the Green Movement’s 10 “Greenmandments” to make sure the rest of us can also avoid eternal damnation.
And Mother Earth did spake:
I: Thou shalt have no other planets before Me.
II: Thou shalt not exploit resources in vain.
III: Thou shalt take a break from electronic devices and unplug them while not in use.
IV: Thou shalt recycle, even if thou must driveth to Wal-Mart in thy carbon dioxide emitting, 10-miles-per-gallon-getting Hummer.
V: Thou shalt not kill animals grown in factory farm conditions.
VI: Thou shalt not sleep with polluters to convert them to thine side.
VII: Thou shalt not steal, because then thou art consuming earthly goods.
VIII: Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor’s greenhouse gas emissions.
IX: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s solar panels, greywater irrigation system or organic garden because thou shalt soon have one of thine own.
X: Thou shalt not key thy neighbor’s Prius, even if thou would like to own one or thou knoweth the truth about its origins.
Hallelujah!
Praise be with the planet.
Keith is a Wichita sophomore in journalism and environmental studies. She is the Kansan associate opinion editor.
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