This week in "Off the Record," in honor of their 10th episode, hosts Nicole Dolan, Taylor Worden and Wyatt Hall reflect on their past 10 years, covering middle school heartbreak, where they thought they'd be now and that time Wyatt thought he was part squirrel (no, that's not a joke).
Person 1: This song slaps.
Person 2: Your mom slaps.
Person 1: Thank you, my mom is a kind and wonderful lady.
Person 1: I’m so sick of alcohol.
Person 2: I don’t know, I’m getting stronger every day. I love it.
Person 1: Do you do the vegan wrap here?
Person 2: We can do the chicken wrap with no cheese?
Person 1: I’ll take the Beyond Burger please.
Person 1: Oh my God! I feel like I know you somehow…
Person 2: Yeah, we went to high school together.
Person 1: Oh! *walks off*
Guy 1: Is the black market even real? Has anyone ever been on it?
Guy 2: I tried once but I couldn’t figure out how to get on.
Guy 1: I stayed up until 2 am watching Disney plus
Guy 2: I told my girlfriend I fell asleep but I was actually watching the Mandalorian.
Girl 1: How long have you guys been dating?
Girl 2: Since the summer, well actually for like two years but it’s a long story.
Girl 1: Who are you looking for?
Girl 2: This guy, wait I found him. Fanny pack boy. He flipped off my professor after a test and ran out of the classroom.
Girl 1: How did you choose KU?
Girl 2: Honestly, I flipped a coin.
Boy 1: Did I tell you? I think I had a threesome this weekend.
Boy 2: Woah, hold up. You think?
Boy 1: I was born a Phi Delt.
Boy 2: Please don’t ever say that again.
Girl 1: How do you get your boobs to look like that?
Girl 2: I don’t ever wear a bra? I don’t know.
Girl 1: I just really want a guy to bend me over you know?
Girl 2: How do you know? You’re a virgin!
Guy: Sometimes I wish I could just be a dog and sleep all day.
Girl: You wake up at like three every day.
Guy: I know.
Guy: So does that make me a dog or something?
Girl 1: I wish I was a little bit taller.
Girl 2: I wish I was balder.
Girl 1: I wish I had a...wait, wait, wait balder?
Guy 1: Let’s slap dicks
Guy 2: You ever pee and it feels like throwing up?
Woman 1: *holding baby* He would have been safer at the Hawk
Woman 2: Oh absolutely.
Girl 1: I would never date that guy.
Girl 2: Well, it depends how much money he has.
Girl 1: I’m going to the doctor to see if I have bronchitis before I hook up with him again.
Girl 2: Yeah that’s smart so you don’t give it to anyone else.
Girl 1: No I mean I want to make sure I infect him.
Guy 1: I'm cutting some of my unnecessary costs, starting with Juuling.
Guy 2: Ight man, good luck.
Guy 1: Actually I might just start chewing
Guy 1: How was work?
Guy 2: My manager was chastising me for not dressing up in a Halloween costume, she doesn’t understand I’m strictly here to get paid.
Guy 1: I am so tired of this week, man
Guy 2: Dude it’s Monday
Guy 1: I know
Person#1: I want to be on the first ship to mars
Person#2: Not me, I doubt they have Wi-Fi
Perons#1: Yeah but at least they’re evolving up there. We’re all just devolving.
Girl 1: Um, I don’t eat pig.
Girl 2: You eat bacon all the time, bitch.
Guy 1: You better get going.
Guy 2: Yeah, see ya. I’m off to get some Adderall.
Girl 1: Are you home right now?
Girl 2: Yeah, why?
Girl 1: I bought a cat
Girl 1: I just don't understand what fishing is for.
Girl 2: I don't know. Food, maybe?
Guy: I’m just gonna have to like carry an entire box of spiders up the hill tomorrow.
Guy: Yeah, just like a hundred spiders in a box.
Guy 1: Sometimes ya just gotta give yourself a haircut.
Guy 2: Dude, you shaved half your head. That’s not a haircut, that’s a mess.
Girl 1: Can you eat fruit raw?
Girl 2: How else are you supposed to eat it?
Girl: That class is killing us. But they say rest is for the dead.
Guy: Well, at least we'll be rested.
Girl: She's not in class this semester
Guy: Maybe she's dead
Girl: Or studying abroad